I started reading Sarah Knights’ ‘The Life Changing Magic Of Not Giving a F**k’ last week and I have to say I’m really enjoying it.
Sarah believes that there are only so many fucks that people can give so its important to dish them out to things that are actually important to you.
She categories life into 4 stages –
- Friends, Acquaintances and Strangers
I’ve been a subscriber of the “not giving a fuck’ philosophy for quite some time prior to reading the book and I have to say it has definitely made my life easier in some respects. The first 3 sections are pretty good for me – I can easily get rid of inanimate objects if they are no longer useful or don’t bring me some sort of joy. At work I can let things slide and don’t get worked up over office politics. I’m good at saying no to things I don’t want to do to friends, and I don’t feel the need to please acquaintances and strangers if it doesn’t also benefit me in some way.
My biggest issue, as is with most, is family. Family is hard because there are so many expectations and obligations and if you’re accommodating to start with, it becomes expected behaviour. It can also cause issues if you stop this behaviour.
I have to say things with my family are good. My parents are chill with the fact that I have my own life and can’t always attend everything. My fiance’s family on the other hand is a little different.
My fiance and I started dating at 16 and being a shy girl at that age, I did all I could to please his parents. This meant rearranging my life to accommodate theirs. Every single important holiday was spent with his family instead of mine because I’d rearrange my family events. To my family, it didn’t really matter what day we celebrated things as long as we got together. I did this for years because I didn’t know better. But most of the time I didn’t actually want to be there.
It’s only been in the last few years that I’ve realised there is no obligation for me to attend every single one of my fiance’s family events and have starting picking and choosing those that I actually want to attend.
Obviously this causes issues but the point is, although my previous behaviour has shown that I’ll do everything to attend their events, it doesn’t mean I need to keep doing it. What it also means is that provided I quickly give a response that I’m not attending something, I need to not give a fuck about others opinions of me. At the end of the day, it’s really not my problem.
Do you have issues with obligations and expectations? How do you deal with them?